I Wanna Know My God

After catching the movie The Da Vinci Code, it set me pondering n looking for information on the "lost" books n gospels that the Church has block from entering into the Bible. As a Christian, I feel i have the rite to know n read thru these as well. n of cos, as usual, i pray to God to help me understand what he actually wants me to know n learn. whether or not Da Vinci was painting in "codes" n want us to know the "truth" or he was frm the piory of sion, all these do not matter. I just want to know my true God n His teachings. I admit I was shaken n shocked n did question why there are infomation kept from us believers, because we are always taught that the Bible are the true word of God. but turns out that its humans who decide what goes into the Bible! interesting fact, the Catholic Bible has 6 more books that other versions of the Bible...

Heavenly Father, I want to know the real You and Your teachings. pls guide me thru... I know You are there n You can hear me. I was at least 2 months away to call home to You, but You heard my prayers and gave me another chance. papa in heaven, pls help me know You better k? In Jesus Holy name I pray, Amen...

I'll Miss You

After battling with cancer for almost a decade and 2 relaspes, Aunt M called home to the Lord on Saturday nite. I did not know the excate time she passed away, but it was either Sat nite or Sun, very early in the morning. I dun recall hearing mum's phone message alert at all, so i guess the sms by Aunt M's husband came in while we were all asleep. Mum only saw the message when she woke up.

It was the cancer of a certain gland, which i can't recall. I once read it online and it was a very slow growing cancer, slowing eating up yr life away. Her doctor did not wana remove the tumour via surgery as it was close to a nerve, thus a considerable percentage risk of being paralysed in that certain area. she went thru chemo n recover. Then about 4 years later, she had a relaspe. went thru a 2nd round of chemo. With God's grace, the tumour was cleared and she gave a testimonial at church. now, which is about another 4 years later, she felt a lump at her back. It was during the period I was having my radiotherapy. She went to different oncologists and seeked opinions. Chemo was not a very good option as she had gone thru it twice and she's already in her mid-fifties. So radiation was recommended. She went for treatment for a week, however it wasn't much of a use.

About 2 months back, she had shingles. I do not know if it had sucked her totally of her immunity to fight the cancer longer. because after that, her health detoriated much quicker then i had expected. She complained that her whole body was in so much pain and her husband had to drive her to the hospital as waiting for an ambulance wasn't an option. she was given very strong morphine. I'm having low immunity as I'm still on oral drugs. Mum could not visit her at the hospital cos her husband and son, one by one, came down with chicken pox. Then the hospital recommended to transfer her to a hospice.

When she was transferred to the the hospice, my mum was away in M'sia. whn my mum came back, i heard from her that their mutual friends have visited her. when Aunt M said she could hear voices singing to her, Aunt G said that maybe the angels were singing. gradually, her health worsen. when Aunt I visited her about 2 weeks back, she could not swallow her medication and there were tubes all over her. then mum decided to visit her on this tuesday nite n told me to pile up on foods that would boost my immunity if i were to come along. however, we did not manage to make that visit afterall.

Heard that she fell into coma last week. She even asked her husband why her memory n movement detoriated. The cancer had spred to the vital organs, lungs, liver and kidney. She could not even pass urine. To many, it came too sudden as those who knew about her worsening condition had initially planned to visit her on sunday or like mum n i, during these few days.

I know as her as a lady of strength. She never gave up trying for a child. When she got pregnant, she had to stay in bed for almost the entire 9 months while carrying her son. she had hopes for the entire family to move to australia for a better life. she fought this battle long n hard. while i was having my treatment, she would encourage me. she said i'm still young, i still have a long road in front of me n never to give up, esp for my parents' sake. she also said it was God's test for me n to put my life in His hands n trust Him to lead me to a victory. She encouraged me to read the Bible again and seek out God's love n grace. She kept me in her prayers n attended miracle healings sessions at her church on my behalf as I was too tired n weak to go.

She's also an experienced baker. While having chemo, during my free time, when i feel ok enough, i would bake. she would taste n give comments n taught me how to improve on it. we also shared recipies on a few occasions.

I will always remember her loving motherly smile and touch that she always has. I will always remember the words of encouragement she gave me. I will always remember the glass of warm milk she gave me for breakfast at her old jurong apartment when i was still young. i will always remember her fetching me to n fro from speech n drama classes in her old blue alfa, nanny-ing me as my mum wasn't free. I'll Miss You Aunt M... I will...

Heavenly Father, now that she has called home to you, pls take care of Aunt M like how she used to take care of me. Pls bless her husband n son and shower them with all your love and grace. Pls let her know I'll miss her deeply and remember her for life. In Jesus Holy Name i pray, Amen...

Not So Happy After All

All techies will love new computers, digital cams, handphones, pda, etc... but for this time, i love the old rather then the new...
I hate my new comp... its has so called newest up to date stuff like pentium d, 160 gb hdd, 1 gb ram, blah blah blah. but all the software inside are from unknown sources! it has a windows xp office in it, but registered to OEM... it has bit torrent which i dun use... i dun have the driver for my sound card... it has a anti-virus, but i was told that once my dad's frd has the key for the update, he'll let us know... there's this anti-malware prog which i dunno what it is for... BS player? i prefer real player anytime. wht's a 'new live media to mp3 converter'? Futuremark, wht the fuck it is for? i absolutely hate my new comp!

hmm, the word absolutely reminds me of my fave absolut vodka... but i cant drink! bleh... n now they have 2 new flavors... peach n "i-forgot-wht". guess its time to expand my collection. but, i haven even bought peppar yet... damn!

everywhr got renovation and it's killing me. watery eyes, water nose. the flat directly above mine is having renovations. the other day the contracters left the tap on without waterproofing! my mum came back n found a puddle of water on the floor. it was raining from the ceiling. i pray hard the water did not seep thru areas covered by my built in cabinets. termites are a nightmare!
hmv having renovations. at first when the dance room was undergog renovations to convert to jazz/classical room, it wasn't so dusty, most prob its hidden in a corner. oh, the new jazz/classical room damn chio! so classy! now the ex-jazz/classical room n ex-korean section of the floor is having renovations. when i walked into the sales flr today, i almost fainted. its was like a haze covering the sales flr due to the dust. worst part was everthing was covered with dust! poor cleaner auntie had to dust every "exposed" surface. however, i would ratehr she wipe it, but too much work liao. aft walking thru the sales flr one round, tidying up the cds, my hands all black... buay tahan ah!

Sian-ness blankets me... dunno y... pms? too early lah... mayb just feeling down... sian ah... mayb just not enough sleep... but tmr i can sleep in! haha...

that's all folks... nitezzzz!

For The Past 10 Days...

In the past 10 days, i went thru whtever i went thru during writcomm classes in poly. back then, 7 n a half years ago (damn, i sound old!) it wasn't as impt, cos i din wana be a scriptwriter, so i just needed to get a pass. besides that, i was getting a dip in film sound n video, it was a "techie" kinda cos, who bothers abt writing classes, unless u wana write for a living...
But now, i'm doing a degree in mass comm. kinda require more writing skills. but, going thru the whole thing again abt redundancies, sentence structure, etc, is a pain. i'm like trying so hard to concentrate n listen to everything all over again. there may b mistakes in the last 2 para i wrote, but who cares... its just a blog, not an essay... bleh...
Hmm... Talking about redundancies? Mayb NP students shld get an exemption for this classes cos we're gog thru the same old damn things again! but then again, i'm kinda looking fwd to the module on tv prod at the US campus... although it would be a "all over again" thingy, i still love tv prod! but its 2 years later... i'll still have to get thru tutorials for this class n my next module, art and our world. Pls dun make me draw. i cant draw for nuts! u can ask me to debate on da vinci, ask me why van gogh cut off his ear, ask me history of art (i can dig up poly's notes), or write another essay, but pls dun make me draw!

In the past 10 days, i hardly worked. Made a point not to work on the days i'm studying cos i dun wana stress myself out. aft that 1 month of having to juggle 2 jobs, i felt damn tired... so, history shall not repeat itself where i need to rush from one place to another. Went to clear some of my "zei zang" (tt's how i n nicole call it, its actually the cds n stuff we reserve), still have some more to clear... will do that once i get my pay. cos staff discount got limit, gotta clear a bit this month... if not next month sure cannot buy everything home...

In the past 10 days, clementi central got pasar malam. its the only chance to get "malay tutu kueh". sedap! although not as sedap as it used to during my pri sch days, but still not un-edible... now no more pasar malam, dunno where else can get liao...

I have to go replace my bank passbook. for dunno whtever reasons, i lost it. now my statements always show "CSL"... boy, i din know i had actually that kinda money in my account, but non of it was saved. mayb i spent too much on mango (clothes, not fruit), cds (i dun support piracy), food (dear n i are "monsters"), taxi (i'm blardi lazy), skincare stuff (i'm damn blardi freakingly hellish vain), etc... i need to start saving... but then again... i need to donate to CCF first... looking forward to payday on the 28th... or better still, hope my $5 quickpick toto bring me 600K later... hurhur...

parts of taiwan n hongkong are having typhoon... but its damn blardi fucking hot here! doesn't help that the air con in the classroom n hmv is damn blardi fucking freezing cold! my nose is feeling weird n tired... i cant afford to fall sick... studies have already shown that sudden hotness n coolness to the body "shocks" it n its internal organs, thus pple will fall sick easily... dun ask me why or how come, studies have already shown n proven it, dun make me do another research paper, i will DIE...

Oops!

I'm a crude person. i vent my anger n fustrations by swearing n cussing. the sales flr was messy, customers were non-stop moving towards the counter asking to test cd, pay for their cd and to make enquiries. it was a case of getting more n more flustered n fustrated when you're serving one, n b4 u can serve finish, another one goes "excuse me", n u have to please everyone single one of them (singaporeans love n dig "personalised" service...).

then came this breaking point when a customer came to ask about LMF's cd. LMF is a hong kong band whose full name is Lazy Mutha(mother) Fucka(fucker). almost naturally, i went, "oh, u mean lazy mother fucker?". the customer put his hand to his mouth (a bit kinda gay i thk, but it was damn hilarious) n went "gasp". i continued as per normal by directing him to take a look at the system while it's checking for the band's name. meanwhile, while laughing at his reaction in my mind, i felt better, no make it great! cos at last i had a "license" to swear at the sales flr! hahahaha...

p/s: more LMF enquiries pls... lol...

RIP, My Dear Comp

After work, dear n i walked around the pasar malam at central before gog home. the stalls were the same as the last one, even the layout was uncanny(ingly) similar!

reached home, n it was supper and work time. dear tried restarting the comp several times n ran in safe mode. but still, only the wallpaper of my softball glove n softball loaded. dear said, comp buang already lah... so now, dad's gonna get his friend to hard-wire the hard disk n try to revive it.

My Computer Died

Dad said, "got virus warning, take a look" while playing solitare on the comp.

After he went to bed, i sat at the comp and clicked on the virus warning. It's the 2nd trojan horse attack in a month. Apparently norton could not repair it nor quarantine the infected file. i checked the virus definitons last update date n it was in 5 march 2006. i told myself, if i were to update it, the infected file could be repaired. after installing the updates, the comp had to be restarted as per normal. but, the only difference this time after it restarted, was that the only thing that loaded was the wallpaper, no icons, nothing. i called dear for help, but its kinda late already. so he'll only do it tmr...